"The light from the stars takes so long to reach us that sometimes a star will have expired by the time we can see it."
"Some of these stars are dead?"
"Nothing dies in the way that we think. Perhaps what really matters is that they are so beautiful, whether they are still awake or not"
(From "Where They Hide is a Mystery" in Simon Van Booy's Secret Lives of People in Love)
the lesson of the moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little toll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became too civilized
to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have half the happiness and twice
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
-by Don Marquis
This is something that's always stuck with me.
"You can be just as faithful to a place or a thing as you can to a person. A place can really make your heart skip a beat, especially if you have to take a plane to get there."
"Over the years I've been more successful at dealing with love than with jealousy. I get jealousy attacks all the time. I think I may be one of the most jealous people in the world. My right hand is jealous if my left hand is painting a pretty picture. If my left leg is dancing a good step, my right leg gets jealous. The left side of my mouth is jealous when my right side is eating something good. I'm jealous at dinner that somebody else will think of something better to order than I did. I'm jealous of somebody's blurred Instamatics even when I have my own sharp Polaroids of the same scene. Basically, I go crazy when I can't have first choice on absolutely everything. A lot of times I do things I don't want to do at all, just because I'm on stand-by jealousy that somebody else will get to do it instead. As a matter of fact, I'm always trying to buy things and people just because I'm so jealous somebody else might buy them and they might turn out to be good after all. That's one of the stories of my life. And the few times in my life when I've gone on television, I've been so jealous of the host on the show that I haven't been able to talk. As soon as the TV cameras turn on, all I can think is, "I want my own show . . . I want my own show."
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Just close your eyes. Don't look."
"When you want to be like something, it means you really love it. When you want to be like a rock, you really love that rock. I love plastic idols."
Jewelry doesn't make a person more beautiful, but it makes a person feel more beautiful. If you draped a beautiful person in jewels and beautiful clothes and put them in a beautiful house with beautiful furniture and beautiful paintings, they wouldn't be more beautiful, they'd be the same, but they would think they were more beautiful. However, if you took a beautiful person and put them in rags, they'd be ugly. You can always make a person less beautiful.
"If a person isn't generally beautiful, they can still be a success if they have a few jokes in their pockets. And a lot of pockets."
"When I order in a restaurant, I order everything that I don't want, so I have a lot to play around with while everyone else eats. Then, no matter how chic the restaurant is, I insist that the waiter wrap the entire plate up like a to-go order, and after we leave the restaurant I find a little corner outside in the street to leave the plate in, because there are so many people in New York who live in the streets, with everything they own in shopping bags."
Things seem really hard, but I'm pretty happy.
I'm really nervous, but I feel really brave.
I don't know what's going on with my life, but I feel like I have so much to say about the most obscure things lately.
I'm fearful, fearless... lost, found and finding.
It's a little depressing sometimes but it isn't.
I just know I'm drawing blanks all the time, don't have a clue. Things aren't clicking, making sense.. and it hasn't set in that everything is changing so much right now.
I think I'm in my own world again.
I like these moments.
People need to start getting along better.
Who cares if someone isn't perfect.
I've made the decision to try and be more independent.
Almost couldn't go, but Natalia and Dave picked me up.
I quickly decided Brian had a really attractive ghetto cousin.
Booze came out away from the adults around 10:30 and must have been completely gone by 11, no lie. Jill and I were sober buddies for the night, and Alice sat there chain-smoking away because drunken stupidity stresses her out.
God, it was SO funny.
The second everyone had a drink in their hand, Living on a Prayer came on.
There's everyone screaming all the words.
Natalia's a lightweight. She was gone after 2 drinks, probably went to sleep at 12 after throwing up...woke up still drunk around 3 and started screaming from the tent. When she woke up at 8, she threw up again.
Brian was making out with this girl Allison, but she was sober.
He really wanted to screw Ashley though, and kept making everyone keep his brother and her separate.
Brian, Mr. Valedictorian, was TRASHED. He fell over more times than I could keep track of and threw up 4 or 5 different times. The entire night, he's wandering around with bread, saying he needs to sober up.
Rebecca Wanamaker and Gio were stuck together. And really wasted. And (I guess she counted) they made out 7 different times.
Patrick grabbed Brittany's boyfriend(Brandon)'s ass for quite a long time. He also kissed this girl Claudette, who came with Jamie Kieran Aimee and Clare... she freaked because she has a boyfriend but apparently kissed Jamie too.
He also kissed Ashley, because she walked over going "I don't know, I think I kissed James!!!" and he goes "Hm, well show me what you did!"
But apparently she didn't really kiss James.
Rebecca Dissler tented up with Nick Biblis, her goal being either to hook up with him or Chris Beers(Last time, it was Griffin Kettler) but instead, they had a really good conversation about life and music.
Andrew was fine for a while but then got really REALLY out of it. At one point, he was definitely groping Brian K. I told him he had to go downstairs.
Jill and I are laughing at everyone being retarded.
Quotables from the night:
"HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A STORM OVER THERE? I heard that if like, there's a lot of alcohol in you, you can get struck by lightning!" -Natalia
"I think one day you should just, pull his pants down.. Just pull his pants down and fuck him right there." -Andrew
"She's an ugly skank and I wanna shank her. Ahaha that rhymeddeded" - Andrew
"Wow, you. You guys are real people. That's what I'm talkin' about. REAL people. You guys are real, just real people. These are some real people you got right here" - Two drunk guys who straggled by the fire until 4 in the morning, speaking to a bunch of us.
"Oh, so that's slut and sluttier!" -Brian's aunt to Allison and Rebecca D
"I looooove my brother. So much. When I die, I'm gonna give him EVERYTHING!" -Brian
"awwyeahh thanks Katie. I owe ya something big. Something so, so big. But I dunno what" - Gio when I got him water.
" zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba. Now *I* can pass ANY sobriety tessst. Just like tha--" - Brian as he falls over.
"So, who's tent am I sleeping in?" (Patrick standing outside the tents. Jamie and Kieran are in one. Andrew's passed out in another. Me Natalia and Dave are in the third)
"YOU CAN'T STAY IN HERE THERE ARE ALREADY ME KATIE DAVE AND LIKE 6 OTHER PEOPLE. 8 OTHER PEOPLE NO NO" - Natalia
"Yeah, and in here, it's me, Kieran, and like 7 other people there's no room"
*Patrick unzips our tent and walks in*
"PATRICK!! YAY OH COME IN!!!!!" - Natalia
"Jamie, shut up I'm trying to sleep! - Natalia screams
"...Natalia, you're the only one talking" - Patrick
"Good, go have sex with Kieran! I hope it sucks!" - Natalia to Jamie
"I want some PEENNEEEE" - Ashley and Brian screaming together from their time-out chairs
so then Jill starts to feed some to Brian because he's way gone.
There were other really funny things, but that's what I remember right now.
I remember when you used to last forever. You were full of free-spirit and lacking in real obstacle. The biggest hardships I can remember were the times we missed the ice cream truck because Mom took too long counting out the exact change... or when your best friend got to go away for the weekend and you played alone in your yard for a few days. It's funny how much we used to appreciate those little ice-creams with the funny-shapes and the gum ball noses, or two simple days with a best friend. Do you remember the time the neighbors had that barbecue for the Fourth of July and I held my first sparkler? I almost caught the yard on fire because I was scared and dropped it.... But you let the fireworks look so pretty in your night skies, and so I forgot that I had ever been afraid or embarrassed of my first time with a sparkler.
But now I've gone through plenty of sparklers. I hold on to them this time, too.. and though you still let the fireworks work their magic in the night, I know now that every time July 4th ushers you back into my life, that you're busier than you used to be. You can't stay for as long as you used to, you say--There are other children somewhere else now who need you more than I do. You say the best you can do for me is to keep replanting the dandelions, so I can always wish for you to return soon again next year.... to send an occasional thunderstorm my way to remind me of the times you'd let us play UNO by candlelight as the power went out.
It's just, the power rarely goes out anymore. Technology has taken that away from me. The Ice Cream Man only comes out once or twice a year now, at least that's the most I've been seeing. The dandelions are wonderful as always, but each time I place a chain of them where a princess tiara would go, nostalgia comes to me the way fairytale imaginations used to.
What I'm trying to say is that I miss the years when you had all the time in the world to stay.
I don't remember you ever having to leave when I was young.
Summer, please don't leave me soon.
May your sun always shine,
"Happiness is when you think you're stranded on an island.. and you're spending quality time in a homemade hammock with a quality friend, near a homemade fire.. and all of a sudden, someone walks by or a plane responds to the fire smoke... But instead of welcoming a rescue, you simply tell them you don't need to be saved... You're fine right here., and everything's quite alright."